I didn’t ask to be her mentor. When I met Laura, she was in the fifth grade. Her mom hired me, a college student, to stay with the kids while the parents went out of town. We went to the same church but Laura and I had never met. Call me crazy, but as a sophomore at the University of Georgia, I wasn’t really running with the pre-middle school crowd.
Laura didn’t need me. She was self-sufficient from the start. In fact, she pretty much bossed me around that weekend, telling me where her younger brother needed to be dropped off, what we should eat for dinner, and even what earrings would look best with my outfit of choice.
She won me over quickly. And from then on, we hung out. It was never a big deal to me. I loved being around her. Looking back now, the years are a blur. I remember her 8th grade graduation, seeing STOMP together, watching her at manners class, and seeing her drive up to my house the day she got her license. I remember her eye surgery, her knee surgeries, her heartaches and my own heartaches.
I don’t recall every conversation. I don’t remember a moment that defined us. She never offered me a rose and said, “Annie, will you accept this rose and be my mentor?” But somehow, it happened.
I didn’t even realize it until I missed her high school graduation. The traffic was beyond terrible, I forgot my wallet at home…and pretty much the whole world united against my attempts to attend Laura’s graduation. I called her. She cried. I cried. And as I turned around on the interstate and headed home in defeat, I knew, in that one moment, that I meant more to her than I had ever known. All the burrito dinners, the sports events, the jewelry advice (hers to me), the car rides just for fun–many seemingly insignificant moments over eight years wove together to create a priceless relationship.
I did not know the true definition of “mentor.” I guess I still don’t. I just know that what the generations of girls below us is looking for isn’t someone with a “mentor” label, ready to boss them around or tell them what they are doing wrong. Teenagers are looking for girls in their 20s to live life with them. Not every day, not mistake free. Just live. And let them live the moments with you.
You know, she never really needed me. She would have survived without me. But it is a relationship that neither of us wants to live without. She gets to see me struggle and survive and succeed. I get to see her grow from a bright-faced little ten year-old into a radiant Godly woman.
Ask God to give you a Laura — a younger woman that can walk with you as you mature in your spiritual life, your personal life, and your professional life. Open your world to her, invite her in, and watch as she does the same for you.
And try not to miss her high school graduation. It’s heartbreaking.
Resources:
Titus 2: 3-5 (NIV) — Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
Something Else:
Listen to Legacy by Nichole Nordeman under Explore Culture.
Pictured: Laura (left) and Annie (right)
Annie Downs never signed up to be a mentor, but wouldn’t trade those relationships for the world. Read more at annieblogs.com.
Annie will be around all week to answer your questions and hear your thoughts on mentoring — click here to leave a comment and check out what other women have to say!
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow- just seeing that picture of Laura and I makes me so happy! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on mentoring and what that looks like for you- either on Laura’s side or my side- as the younger or as the older.
Laura and I will be dropping in all week to talk with you, answer any questions (so ask away!), and hear stories of the women who influenced you.
Sincerely,
Annie
Annie…I too have a special relationship that God gave me years ago too. Her name is Stephanie and I have had the honor of watching her grow from a precious little one I babysat to a beautiful young woman whose heart beats for the Lord. It’s one of the joys of my life I’m so thankful for.
Oh my goodness! You know how you can read something that you TOTALLY needed to read? To the point that you are reading it with tears in your eyes because you know that God is working?
Yep- that’s your devotion for me today.
Over the pass month I have felt led to get involved in the lives of younger girls. I so want to be there to just “live life” with them, but I have no idea what that will even look like (or even what girl or girls!). I attempted to sign up for a program at the YWCA, but I don’t think that it is going to work out. I know, however, that I need to step out and try to “mentor” someone. (I use the term mentor loosely…I doubt that I would be an outstanding one!)
My question for you (both!) is this: what would you say to someone who typically has a shy-er personality? Do you think God can break through that in the case of mentoring? I would hate to think that my personality is what would keep me from encouraging another girl!
Thanks for this post. I love hearing stories like this!
I really enjoyed reading your story about laura and you. thank you for sharing.
I love hearing stories like this because I am in the midst of a mentoring situation that is a struggle. I am not near the end but right smack dabb in the hard parts. She and I are having problems but I know that God is faithful. I know that God has something in store for our relationship and our growth as christian women together. I have noticed in my life that every time there is struggle it is followed with amazing insite and growth. I am patiently waiting for my ah-ha moment when I see how smart God is and how dumb I have been. Good Luck ladies and I hope that you keep your relationships strong even when it’s hard!
Y’all look like sisters!
Great story, Annie. And this might seem like a dumb comment, but I especially appreciate that you encouraged us to ask God for a Laura. I know. It’s obvious. But as I was reading and thinking, “Oh, how nice. I wish I had that kind of story,” it honestly didn’t even occur to me to ASK FOR IT. (“You do not have because you do not ask” – I know!)
Also, my heart is a little broken for you both about the graduation thing.
And also again, this website is beautiful. I’m guessing you didn’t design it, but I wanted to say it anyway.
Brooke, I love it! Thanks for telling us about sweet Stephanie!
Alexis, I can only imagine how much God ADORES you- just being so vulnerable and real here- He WILL honor that. I would say that God can and will absolutely use you to be a mentor, no matter your personality. Sure, there will be some barriers, but I think that would be true for a shy person in ANY relationship. Just go for it. And know that I am praying! (I want to hear Laura’s thoughts on this too—)
Sharon, thank you!!
Erin, girl. I hear ya. Every day is NOT easy- there were definite times when I made Laura CRAZY I am sure. And times that age difference is really apparent and seems insurmountable – hang in there, sister. Real relationship blossoms when we love through the hard times.
Darla, that is a HIGH compliment- thank you!!
Mary, thanks, friend. And no, I didn’t design the site but good gracious it is gorgeous.
This reminds me of a sweet relationship in my own life. Thanks, Annie!
I’m sitting on my couch…crying my eyes out. What you just put into words is the exact reason that I left my work all day/night job with a blackberry constantly in my hands. I left so that I would have the time and flexibility to do life with middle school-college aged girls.
Like Laura, I was blessed to have someone that poured into my life, and my heart desires to do the same for girls…and to show others the importance of it as well. Thank so much for sharing!
I love that story! Right now I am just working on being the best mom/mentor I can be for my 2 daughters. Mom-ing is hard. Especially when you desire so greatly to be everything they need and have to figure it out. Praise God he is there to get me through it!
Thanks, Andra!
Lindsey, I’m the same way- the ONLY reason I know how to love Laura and other younger women is because I was mentored well by women in my life, like my mom and my friend Kathleen.
Janelle, AB-SO-LUTE-LY. Moms are the BEST mentors. Laura and I are both REALLY lucky in that department. Keep it up, girl.
Annie: Timely word, friend. I received an email last night from a girl I mentored nearly ten years ago (yikes!) I had no idea how the time I invested in her then was still having an impact on her. I was beyond amazed. Great post!
Don’t know if a family member can qualify as a mentor, but my maternal aunt was a decent mentor for me when I was a teen. She is only six years older than me so most of the time she appeared more like a big sister or friend to me than an aunt.
She let me have fun, but when I tried to push the limits, she stopped and reminded me that I could not take advantage of our relationship. Even some secrets that I told her, she told my parents, but only the “dangerous” ones.
As a young adult, I lived in Japan and that is where I was baptized and became the mentoree of an awesome Sister in the Body. A Spiritual mentor is wonderful! I do hope to help a Sister out one day as my “Big” Sister in Christ did for me.
smooches,
Larie
Hey everyone!!
I’m “the Laura” that Annie wrote about, and I can’t tell you how much it meant to me that Annie wrote this about our relationship… I’m now a sophomore at UGA, and I can’t tell you how much my relationship with Annie has shaped who I am today. She probably doesn’t remember this, but she bought me my first journal to take “church notes” in, and I still have it. Otherwise, I probably never would have paid attention in church or youth group! Even though she moved while I was in high school, we still go to a show at the Fox every year (Beauty and Beast is my favorite!!). And, I still consider her my best friend… Someday she’ll be in my wedding!!
Thank you everyone who commented on here… Everything you said means so much…
Brooke– I’m so glad that the Lord has given you Stephanie to pour into. That is such a blessing from the Lord, and I know she considers you irreplaceable in her life.
Alexis– The Lord knows the desires of your heart; He knows that you want to pour out and be a part of girls’ lives. Know that the Lord is preparing a relationship for you… Your personality is a direct reflection of the Lord’s (you are made in His image), and He will use that to draw others close to Him. You are perfectly and wonderfully made for community, and your desire to pour out is all you need!!
Erin– Every relationship has its ups and downs… Annie was so right- When you go through tough times, the relationship really does blossom. It’s especially hard when you’re in 2 different places in your relationship with the Lord, and I’ve experienced that with friends a lot. Just know that the Lord promises that all things work together for you good, and that the work He began in you, He will carry out into completion.
Mary– Ask and you shall receive!! The Lord LOVES giving gifts. He needs women willing to pour out and share their lives, time, and testimonies.
Lindsey– I cried when I read this too!! (not only the first time, but the second, third, and tenth time!) Thank you for giving up your job and time to hang out with girls. If Annie hadn’t taken time out of her life to “mentor” me, I don’t know what I would have done! The Lord will reward you for your sacrifice!
Janelle– My mom has seen me through some of the toughest times- She’s one of my best friends. I think that as a Christian, being a mom is one of the highest calling we can have. Your daughters are blessed to have a mom like you!
Shannon– You do make a difference! I hope that email was an encouragement to you!
Larie– I’m so glad that you had an adult there for you while growing up. I think it’s so important for girls to have some one to confide in and receive wisdom from. I’ll be praying that the Lord will give you someone to pour back into!
And, Sharon, Darla, and Andra– Thank you SO much!!
Annie, I LOVE YOU!!
We have a mentorship program at our church. I emailed the link to this post to the wonderful leader. She in turn sent the link to all of the mentors to encourage them. Hope this encourages you!!
Btw, I have had 2 wonderful ladies I mentored through the program. One is a missionary w/her hubby and the other is in college. I haven’t stayed in touch with the one like I should but the other one and I have a great relationship. Mentoring does continue—but turns into a wonderful friendship. You won’t regret being a mentor.
Seriously. Are y’all not SO impressed with Laura? I know. She’s amazing.
Shannon, thanks, friend.
Laurie, family members can TOTALLY be mentors! I love your story.
Deanna, thank you! I hope that as the mentors read this article, they will be filled with hope and a renewed sense of purpose in what they are doing.
I have been blessed to be a big sister through Big Brothers and Big Sisters twice. The first I was a mentor for 7 years until I moved away and she went to college, but we keep in touch on facebook! I have a new Little Sis that I’ve been matched with for a year and a half. It amazes me that she actually wants to hang out with me
I truly believe I get as much from the relationships as each of them have.
Deanna– I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear that y’all have a mentorship program through your church… I hope that all the leaders are encouraged by this article (I know I was!). I know the lives of the girls you mentored were changed by your relationship with them- Annie completely transformed my perception of Christianity, and her life has been a model for my own ever since.
Kimberly– Of course your “Little Sis” wants to hang out with you! I can’t stress enough how amazing it is to have an older girl interested in your life… And, you’ll learn just as much or more from the relationships you make!
Annie (and Laura!) Thanks so much for sharing your story. My husband is starting a mentoring program right now for kids in inner-city Atlanta. I have had several incredible ladies who poured into me and shaped who I became . . . we want the kids in at-risk environments to have the same opportunity to learn from people who are older and wiser (and positive role models) — I’m forwarding this on to my hubby so he can be encouraged in what he’s working towards!
Hey Becca!!
It makes my heart so happy that your husband is doing that– I know those kids are dying for some one to look up to and be loved by. I hope your husband is encouraged by this story– I know the Lord will bless and provide for y’all through this!!
This really warmed my heart. I am a sophmore in college, and at the age of 14 my mentor began pouring into my life. I honestly do not know what would have happened had she not been there. I just want to encourage everyone out there to pray to God for a Laura. I got to see the victories, and defeats in my mentors life. I saw her strengths and weaknesses. I pray if someone is worried that a young girl may judge you, because you dont “have it all together;” don’t worry it’s in our weaknesses that we show others just how strong God is.
Well I have the awesome privilege of knowing BOTH Annie and Laura! I think it’s so incredible what the Lord can do through a relationship. Just one- Annie and Laura. And now look at what’s happening, many others are being influenced through their story.
Wow!! God is Awesome!!
It’s so amazing to get to see the Godly woman that Laura has grown to be. She really is incredible, y’all!!
And Annie continues to challenge me to be the woman God has made me to be! I love both of them!
You just never know the influence you can have!!
Jessica– So true. Seeing the weaknesses and defeats in a “mentor’s” life is such a good reminder that we don’t have to have everything together. Having some one to keep you accountable and to confess your sins to (James 5:16) is crucial to our walk with the Lord and each other.
Caren– Ridiculous. I love you so much!! You are amazing!