It was not my finest moment. I drove home from work that day in heaving sobs with my fingers gripped so tightly around the steering wheel that my knuckles turned white. Sure, I’d been harsh but he had just made me so angry.
My boisterous (and somewhat obnoxious) co-worker, whom I shared cubicle space with, had taken a conversation about politics too far–and had even wound up mocking Jesus and grossly misquoting Scripture while he was at it. When I took an opposing stance he insinuated that I was stupid. That was the bomb that lit the fuse that caused me to explode. I unloaded on him that day. There are few times in my life I’ve ever been so upset. The conversation left us both needing fresh air. Unfortunately he beat me to the patio so I was stuck at my desk trying to calm down.
The girl at the desk next to me came to tell me I was right to say the things I did because she sat there silently thinking them. Great, I thought to myself, I put myself on the line and you silently applaud me. A lot of good that does. When my cubicle-mate returned to his desk he quickly slipped his headphones on and refused to even look at me for the rest of the day.
In the days and weeks that followed things were never the same in the office. The air was icy, our relationship was strained. I hated work so much that I used to cry before going into the office, but I needed the money so I was stuck. Everyday, as I sat at my desk (that was pressed up against the desk of a guy who had somehow become my enemy) I asked myself the same question over and over again: why had that conversation made me so mad?
My mind drifted back to a sermon I once heard on the topic of anger. The pastor said anger is a red flag signaling that we are feeling another emotion that we don’t know how to deal with. “When you’re angry,” he said, “find a feeling.”
In the case of my co-worker I felt threatened. He was raising a rally cry for a way of life I found unbiblical. He was standing for things that would infringe upon my freedoms. If he won the argument, his issues might win on the ballot and my way of living would be changed against my will.
Really, I got so angry in that moment because I didn’t trust God. I didn’t trust God with the upcoming election, I didn’t trust God with my freedoms that could be infringed upon, and I really didn’t trust God to protect me from people like my co-worker who made decisions based upon instant gratification and not the biblical definition of right and wrong.
That was an eye-opening experience for me. Now, when I’m angry, I try to identify the emotion beneath the anger and deal with it before I explode. If there’s any indication that I’m not trusting God, I confess it and look up verses that will help me in that area. And you know what? It works.
There is a great sense of freedom in being honest before the Lord with our emotions. Next time you find yourself getting angry, stop for a second and reevaluate your heart. What are you really feeling? What does that feeling tell you about your current relationship with God? Deal with the source of the problem and the anger will take care of itself.
As Christians we are to become more and more like God the longer we walk with Him. So how should we act? “The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love” (Psalm 103:8).
Find a feeling. Be slow to anger. Trust God.
Resources…
The Bible – The Fruit of the Spirit Galatians 5:22-24
When Godly People Do Ungodly Things by Beth Moore
Something Else…
Check out this crazy video about anger management. Very funny, but very true!
Shannon Primicerio likes country music, chai lattes and gift cards to almost any store. Check out Shannon’s blog where she regularly writes about life, faith and the pursuit of the perfect hairstyle.
Do you struggle with anger? Leave a comment.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
What such awesomeness Shannon! This makes much sense and it’s simple to do…evaluate what I’m really feeling.
Thanks a bunch!
smooches,
Larie
Hi Shannon!
As I read your post this morning I found that this is something I’ve dealt with for a while now. I have been going to counseling and my counselor gave me a sheet of paper that had “emotional” feelings listed and asked that I seek those out when I’m dealing with anger and to examine these before I take actions.
In my case I find that I’ve made myself the “victim” which I’m not (not all the time) maybe when I was younger and couldn’t fight for myself, but not now. I’ve just started learning this and didn’t realize I was making myself the victim. I now try to do just as you and my counselor have said to think about what emotion I’m feeling, before I speak or take actions.
I need to practice more with looking up scriptures in the bible to guide me and I have to put more faith in God to know that he is there for and with me and he will take care of me and he loves me. Reading your post has made me feel that I’m not alone in this and that it can be possible to overcome and that if I seek God in all that I do before I do it my life as well as others around me will be a little better. With this being said I am proud of you for standing up for yourself in your belief. I’m very passionate and sometimes get to heated in my beliefs that when my anger shows to the other person, it’s like everything that I wanted to come across in a postive way, I’ve destroyed it through my anger.
Thanks for sharing and being so open about yourself with anger! Thanks for the advice and I think I’m going to get Beth Moore’s book too!
Sandy
I definitely deal with anger all the time! And in my pre-marital counseling, I am learning that there are always feelings beneath the fear! A foundation. Usually it is hurt from the past, or the current situation. However it always goes back to trust in God just like this article states. If anger is based on a foundation you bet that it sinking sand. But if we stand on the rock of Jesus by being more like Him we can only grow to be more Christ like. It is one big journey, but I always remember through God, I can do anything.
This was a great post, Shannon! I will have to make a point to find the feeling. Yesterday, I had a bit of an episode which someone thought I was upset about something and later I realized the whole situation had nothing to do with being offended but deep sorrow that I have in my heart over uncontrollable circumstances. Identifying and thinking about it is helping me to deal with some of the sorrow!
Larie: I’m so glad you found the “find a feeling” concept to be helpful. Thanks for commenting
Sandy,
Thanks for leaving such an honest and vulnerable comment. You are definitely not alone in your struggle with this. I’m encouraged to know that your counselor gave you similar information. Looking up verses and identifying what my feelings were telling me about God and my current view of Him has been revolutionary for me. It’s so much easier to spot the lies that our emotions sometimes feed us that way!
Danielle,
You are so right! There are often other feelings laying a foundation beneath the fear (or anger). Just this morning I had to go to the Lord and ask, “Why is this situation making me so angry? What am I really feeling here?” Sometimes I’m surprised by what He reveals to me. Other times I could see it coming. But it’s always helpful to go before God and ask Him to help me search my heart. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding
Tonya: I’m so glad you found this helpful. You are so right. Sometimes we’re dealing with something completely different than others think we are. I love that we can always be honest before the Lord as we work through our stuff. He’s so much easier to deal with than people
Hello Shannon, I liked your post and it is so true. I also liked the short entry about you. I don’t think there is a perfect hairstyle unless you have your own personal stylist…I have thick, course, naturally curly hair and as is stereotypical everyone else loves it, while I am consistently challenged with it! My hair also grows fast and along my hairline I always have those little shorter hairs that are just growing…on bad hair days I have my own little lion’s mane! Oh well…it’s challenging, but not horrible! Hope you find one you’re happy with!
Hi, Janelle,
I’m glad you found the post helpful. And I totally understand your bout with bad hair days. Today, mine is in a reasy ponytail
Glad I’m not alone in my hair frustrations 
This is something I need to reflect on a lot more. It is very hard to make me angry, however my Dad just always find a way to make my blood boil with his negative view of life and degrading comments about people. Our conversations always end with me loosing my cool. I don’t know what emotion I am really feeling… besides grrrrr. But maybe I can dig further this week.
Hi, Mandy,
If it takes so much to make you mad then you are probably feeling something else before you are feeling the anger. Let me know how it goes as you dig further. You can click my name to email me or you can leave another comment here
Shannon,
Praise God for this post! For as long as I can remember, I have had a short fuse. I will hold things in until they blow up! I always attributed it to my genetics and social situation, all the while trying to be “slow to anger” in a way that would be pleasing to God. Yesterday I took the opportunity to get angry with my fiance because I misinterpreted what he said, and now there are hurt feelings on both sides of our relationship. I have been in years of counseling, and never have I heard that anger is expressed when I am unwilling to accept the true emotion. Thinking about yesterday and other examples of my anger, that is so true! Trying on my own to deal with anger was not helping, and God definitely used this post to speak to me! Thanks so much! What a blessing!
~Ashley
Hi, Ashley,
I am so glad to know this post spoke to you. I’ve always thought I had a natural short fuse too. When your personality is bent that way it is especially difficult to try and control your temper in your own strength. Finding my true emotion, and then going to God with that emotion and looking to His Word for help dealing with it, has greatly helped me with my anger.
Hopefully you and your fiance can patch things up quickly. Congratulations on your engagement