We all knew something was wrong.
He was angry a lot. Disappearing acts were to be expected every time we were together. And his eyes were constantly blood-shot. Slowly his body was dissolving into virtually nothing. A once strong football player and straight-A student was now a lost and hopeless spirit in this world.
Mike’s few wrong turns soon caught up with him as we discovered his undeniable drug and alcohol use. He was an addict. He was a crack-head. He was an alcoholic. He was a liar.
And yet he…was my big brother.
Our roles reversed one day as he sat on the cold wooden floors of my home. I fought back tears as I looked at him slumped over, words slurred and hands shaking. How did this happen? How did he get to this low point?
I had nothing to say.
When someone you love is that far gone, you feel as though you will never be able to make them see what they have done to their life. It would have been much easier that day to have written him off — to push him out of my house and forbid him to come back. But to walk with him down that path was a completely different story.
I wasn’t so convinced.
When the disgrace of an addiction takes over someone’s life they don’t see it right away. All too often it begins with miniature, simple, guiltless steps that lead to the sightlessness of an addiction. They often think they have fooled everyone, yet they don’t see the pain they cause.
An embarrassed daughter sinks in her seat in a church service while her drunken father shouts out profanity. A mother painstakingly cries through disbelief as she cleans up straws from under a bed, used to snort crack up her son’s nose. A friend that watched her friend take those pills now looks at her, lying in a casket, overseen by eyes filled with mourning.
The addict fools no one; but the addict hurts everyone.
As a girl who likes to see value in everyone, it was hard to look past all those hurtful experiences and see a broken-down boy on my floor that needed to be rescued. Mike didn’t need me or my parents. He needed a man who had overcome all, rescued many before and promised to never let go. He required Jesus.
I believe that God sends people our way to be the hands and feet of Jesus himself: nurses, doctors, specialists and counselors. They are the ones who pour endless hours into research, support groups and programs to help addicts conquer their blindness. Guidance is given to the addict to see what they have done — who they have wounded and how they can change.
And in the right place, they lead the addict to the cross. The same cross that bears grace for all the imperfections of life — even addictions.
Mike’s journey has been no easy road. But thankfully he saw the need for help and reached his way to a life of restoration. He now looks at life in a highly honorable way: one moment, one day and one step at a time.
It is a way of living for those of us on the other side to consider: worthy, life-changing and hopeful.
Resources…
Verse: 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
Resources for treatment: http://www.christianrehabfacilities.com
The Celebrate Recovery Bible: http://www.lifeway.com/e4/shop/?id=005098271
Alcoholics Anonymous: http://www.aa.org
Something Else…
Click here to be further renewed in your thinking of what you can take to the cross.
Nicki Koziarz is a girl who loves sand between her toes, a fun night out and would describe herself as nothing more than a once broken-down Jesus girl. You can read more about her imperfect life and an update on her brother, Mike this week at: www.threegirlygirlz.blogspot.com.
Have you yourself or someone you know ever struggled with an addiction? Click here to leave a comment and tell us your story, request prayer or to encourage others. And please, if you are struggling with an addiction, seek help.
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Nicki, you did a great job at writing this. I know it was not easy! I would like to weigh in for a moment from the mom perspective for your readers.
For about a year I knew something was wrong with Mike however I just blamed it on his accident and recovery from that. I hind site it was the odd behavior of total seclusion from us and a particular friend whom dad and I could not figure out why Mike was hanging around him.
It was Easter Monday when Mike broke down and admitted he needed help. How appropriate..Jesus rose from the Gates of Hell and He protected Mike from his Gate of Hell! I was so scared with disbelief that this could happen to my son. That day I cried out to Jesus..”show us the way.” What on earth would we do? God provided the right centers for Mike and really did spare him from the Gates of Hell through the prayers of people.
The road was or should I say is long because recovery is a choice. I learned that as a parent no one can make the decision to seek help but the addict him/herself. There has to be a defining moment in your child’s life personally before the road can truly be initiated. You can’t do this for them as much as you would like
I also learned that there is a great possibility the addict will slip on this road. That happened to Mike. Don’t give up. Keep praying when you don’t think there is any hope. God if faithful. He will provide.
Readers check out Nicki’s blog for the rest of the story. Mikes testimony is a true miracle of hope.
Nicki is right if you have a problem, admitting it is your first step in your journey of recovery. Much love mom
PS This song came to me this AM. It really sums it it for me Nicki! Love mom
This is the song I ment to attach
Your Defining Moment:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFsngpOkLaU
Somehow this ended up in my email inbox this morning, and was JUST what I needed. My 19 year old daughter has become addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs (that are illegal, because the prescription is NOT in her name). I have been praying for her, and my sister and niece and I had a mild “intervention” last weekend, that helped for a day or two.
Anyway, God Bless You for your story this morning!
As I stumbled across your site today, no coincidence for sure I know, I feel a need to learn and reach out for my spouse.
He is a user of marijuana and has been from the beginning of our relationship 30+ years.
I have threatened through the years and we have separated twice. My children (now 30 and 19) both discovered their dads habits and now my son (30) is a user as well of the same.
I thank God daily for my daughter who (though was deeply hurt when she discovered her dads habit) has been faithful to God.
I hurt and I know our financial life is critical. I have tried to bring him to Christ, invited him to church with us and he tells me he believes. Its always a touchy subject when we try to discuss habit.
I seek Christ to deliver him from this habit as well as my son. My son has a 6 yo daughter who absolutely adores him and a 9mo old daughter. My son is not as discreet with his habit.
Please keep me in your prayers as well as my husband and son.
My granddaughter comes home from school talking about saying no to drugs and it hurts me badly to think if she finds out about her dad (when and what age might that be) will she handle it worse than my daughter? I don’t know but I pray that God willl help her as well.
thank you for listening..
i think the song is so good.
Hey Ladies, sorry I’m so late popping on here today….it’s been a day.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and stories.
Mom thanks for sharing your perspective and thoughts! I know it spoke to some hearts today.
Sherri, I think it’s amazing how God leads us right to what we need to hear. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Maybe sending your daughter this way would be a good thing? We would love to encourage her. I am praying for you as you walk this road, I know it’s no easy journey!
Meredith, I am glad that the Lord lead you this way too today. I am so sad to hear your story and I know a lot of people have this very same one. Know that your grandaughter will speak volumes to your son through her own messages. My middle daughter, Hope, was the one that could always tell when my brother was using. She would avoid him like nothing I’ve ever seen before. And to this day Mike still remember’s that.
Praying for you on your journey and thank you for sharing your heart today.
I thank you ladies for having the courage to post about this subject.
God is so good and I know he will take care of me. I continue to pray that one day God will intervene in my husband and son’s life. I am praying that my granddaughter will come to church with us, get in Sunday school and then get her dad and pawpaw to join us.
She is the worker and if anyone can do it I know she can.
I pray faithfully.
Thank you for praying as well..
God bless you all..
Meredith and Sherri, this is Luann, Nicki and her brother’s mom. I understand what you are going through. All I can say is keep looking up and take one day at a time. God will make a way.
Meredith, I will be praying for you and that your husband and son see the problem and will want help. You will be amazed at what God is going to do here.
Sherri, I will be praying that your daughter will come to the realization that she has a problem and that she wants to kick this problem once and for all. Only she can decide that she wants to do it. It has to be her choice.
I am confident that God hears your prayers. I along with the She Seeks ministry team and others who might not have not posted but are joining you believing God will answer our prayers. Why do I say that? Because of what His written word says….
Matthew 18 V 19. “I tell you that if two or more on earth agree about something and pray for it, it will be done for you by my father in heaven. This is true because if two or three people come together in my name I am there with them.
Hey Nicole glad you like that song! We all have our defining moments don’t we?
Don’t give up! You all are surrounded by people who will pray! Just remember with God nothing is impossible. Hugs!
I look up and give it to Him everyday! Amen to that Luann..I know God hears and knows how long I have been dealing with this. I guess I have enabled it myself since I dealt with it so long? I mean after 30+ yrs should I have given up…I never felt like threatening was the answer (even though I admit I have but only to give in and stay) people would say its not as bad as drinking but to me it is..
God is my redeemer and I stand by his word and have continual faith in his works as well…
God is good all the time..
Thank you for your prayers, faith and belief!
Nicki~ amazing post. As someone who has been on the addict side of this issue, I can testify that everything you said is true. You DO lose sight. I remember thinking that NO ONE knew about my problem… only to find out that I really didn’t have anyone fooled. Addictions destroy relationships and lives, but thank God He’s the restorer of all things! My addictions led me to being kicked out of my home, severed my family relationships, and left me with nowhere to turn but up.
Your mom said it perfectly~ recovery is a choice. Sometimes a daily choice. That’s one of the most frustrating things about addiction~ no one can make you get better. Only God can use His power and love to transform the addict.
He completely restored my family once I made the choice to get help, and I am so thankful that He has restored your brother too!
Thanks for sharing this, girlie
thank you for sharing such an awesome story, i needed to be reminded of Gods amazing grace, that He is a restorer of ALL things, and have a renewed hope; my husband is the addict, he’s abandoned me, his home, his family everything that represents his life, and I have been praying fervently for the last 7 months that he would confess, repent and desire to get put God first and reconcile our marriage, I’m thankful for Gods protection and love & direction he’s provided me and will continue to ‘be still’ and know that He is in full control. Thank you for the encouragment I needed to hear today.
Nikki, this is beautiful post. My brother is an alcholic but I don’t think he’s ready to really take the steps neccessary to stop, even though he does some counseling require from an incident he had. I think he spends more time saying what he thinks I want to hear than telling the truth. I’m wondering how did you deal with the sadness and angry over your brother? This is my biggest struggle, I love him with all my heart abd will do whatever I can to help him but every time he says he’s changing I end up disappointed by his lies, that he’s so selfish, and that he’s wasted his money and is in debt. Is there anything that helped to heal your heart?